The Funny Side
Nowheretofirst The Sting!
Disappointing of late, may need spell.
Mine would have to be-4th again !
Missed the start,lost whip,jockey fell off
Beachcomber08:Carries hefty weight impost against younger brigade,thrives on wet and loves sand track.An enigma that will surprise at good odds.
spelled till spring, needs a little more distance.
At the moment against my name would be \"Even Jana Rawlinson could beat\"
in solid form, hard to hold out
Help needed with this nag
The BIG smokey in this field
Ready to win.
and King Chilli cant win.....
Priest was about to finish his tour of duty, and was leaving his Mission in the jungle where he has spent years teaching the natives when he realizes that the one thing he never taught them was how to speak English.
So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree." The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."
The Priest is pleased with the response. They walk a little further and he points to a rock and says, "This is a rock." Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."
The Priest was really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As they peek over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity. The Priest is really flustered and quickly responds, "Man riding a bike." The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them.The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and be kind to each other, so how could he kill these people in cold blood that way?
The chief replied, "My bike."
MoneyTalks - The bookies horse
They Hit The Line - OHH PHOTO
Starting to run into consistent winning form
I was wondering if any of you fellow tipsters have had a jockey hop off and refer to the encyclopedia of excuses as to why your horse did not win.
I must say I still laugh at the time I had shares in a horse called "Lucks In" which could not run out of site on a dark night in a thick ondon fog. Myself and another part owner travelled from Melbourne to Bairnsdale (a nice little round trip) to watch it run in a maiden at a non TAB meeting.
The jock had him positioned in fourth place just off the pace pulling him out on the turn to make his run which he did only it was backwards to finish last about 5 lengths behind the second to last horse.
When they returned to scale the jock (Barry (Spatch) Wyatt) hopped off and spoke to us saying "I would like to find something nice to say about him but I cant think of anything".
Needless to say we quickly parted company with "Lucks IN".
We had a horse in Kalgoorlie one time, same sort of horse. Ran all zero's except once in a nine horse field. We got the trohpy for slowest horse of the year.
We also parted company, but if it wasn't for us where would the "also rans" come from.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too'
hahaha tawtrice... we are trialling a 2yrold with noonan down south... after the second trial he told us not to worry it could be the worlds greatest 2yr old hurdler... horse must have heard him and ran a slashing 4th at its "last chance" trial... "obviously not even keen to be a hurdler" was the reply from the jock!!!
stay tuned its up again in a few months....
Had to share this - sent from my mother!
Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married....
If this does not make you laugh out loud, you have lost your sense of humor.
The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls. I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!' Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
(Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals = 12 cuckoos MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him 'MIDNIGHT'... he didn't seem pissed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.' When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh shit.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.
Seems us blokes aren't as stupid as we look after all.